You who have many names, I always asked myself which one of them is true?
You have all the knowledge in your hand, but why us people are ignorant?
You who sacrificed and saved our lives, but why do we keep turning our backs from your path?
With your pure immeasurable love.... Yet we still crave for affection?
Those are some of the questions that's running through my mind up until now. It's been a while huh? I missed those days that we were together. Do You still remember the time You taught me how to read your words? It was summer, I think I was 2nd grader that time. I used to go to your House every Sunday just to listen to some of your lines. The story-telling about Your life fascinated me, thinking that no one will never, ever do such thing(s) for I am selfish at that moment and I couldn't see myself sacrificing my own life to save others. I even sang some songs of praises, songs of love and gratitude about You. But that was the time when I was still a seeker. A spiritual-hunger. A "non-believer" if You may say so?
After almost 28 years of all fucked up "my-not-so-ordinary-called-life", I considered myself a changed man. A better grown up man. Nurtured by experience. Learned how to water my spiritual garden. A garden of my own. I stopped dropping by at your House every Sunday morning, listening to your stories bored me and noticed that I even forgot to sing your songs? I kept myself from doing that. Doing what other people do. It pisses me seeing them so "holy" outside but totally devious inside. I allowed myself to see and feel a relationship between You and me. With that bond we can hear our voices so clearly. You may think that I already forgotten Your voice, for I became a silent rebel. I even blamed you for all the shits that happened to my life. You let me find all the answers to all of my questions. Doubt clouded me at first but You told me not to. And hell yeah, You know that I had grudges on You but that didn't stopped me to call Your name everytime my life boils on a darker shade of black. Pitch black. For I believe that somehow You will show me a glare of light during my darkest hours. It really amazed me because You never failed to shed some. And I am so thankful for that. Really I am.
Blind that I am because I can't see your face, deaf for I can't hear you voice and numb for I can't feel your warmth literally but I know that faith binds our hearts. This time I will never ask questions on You, for you have all the answers right? I admit I am not a perfect son , not even pass your standards but I'm trying.... well atleast I'm still trying?
I appreciated Your love, sympathy and concern but please, don't push me to glorify and
worship You the "old fashion" way. I know that You know what I mean.